Cheers for the Non-Alcoholics

What being sober for a year and a half (and counting) has taught me.

I remember my last drink so well. It was one of my core memories. I even caught in on video. Back in April 2023, the controversial Pura Luka Vega (who was not yet controversial back then) was doing a drag performance of “I Will Survive” for Eva Le Queen’s Easter Drag Bingo in their whole Jesus garb, and one of their gimmicks during such was “turning” water into wine.

After doing the “transformation,” Luka opened the bottle of wine and gave out portions to select audience members, which included me. After that, I gave a cheers to my relatives from Virginia, who were with me during that time, and chugged half of the amount of wine in my glass.

My last drink was a wine courtesy of Pura Luka Vega.

Little did I know that the glass of wine I was drinking would be my last.

Prior to that moment, my relationship with alcohol was akin to a supportive friend’s. It was always by my side whenever I have problems and it was always there in times of celebration.

However, little did I know that my “supportive friend” was a toxic snake that has plans to kill me slowly, not just physically but mentally.

I had my first-ever alcoholic drink when I was 13 years old. I was with my paternal cousins in Laguna and we were drinking Tanduay Ice, which turned me into a super energetic, social human being.

I learned that night that having alcohol in your system gives you a lot of confidence, turns you into the life of the party, and makes you think that everyone likes you.

However, the negative effects come the next day, when you wake up not just with an extreme headache but with embarrassment, regret, and shame, especially when the people around you talk about what you did and you can’t recall anything.

Me downing a glass of whiskey before my brother’s wedding.

But, being the life of the party and having a newly-acquired confidence overpowered those negative effects so much that I continued to drink whenever I got the chance, especially when I became a college student. You can say that alcohol was my water more than water itself.

Me in drag proudly showcasing what I have in my hand. Cool ka niyan, teh?

I was drinking almost every weekend with my friends from high school back then. Chugging every bottle of alcohol I can get my hands on. Surprisingly, I was able to continue doing so for several years despite having such a negative impact towards myself.

You know why I’m surprised? Because I have affected a lot of people with my drunkenness. I was being a nuisance to the people around me, ranging from strangers I’ve met for the first time to the people I cared about the most.

One of my last drinks was a glass of white wine in Bohol.

I’ve done a lot of bad things while drunk. For strangers, the worst one I can think of was taking someone’s drink from a reserved table at Nectar Nightclub. For the people I love, I always interrupted their sleep with my late night drunk calls every after session.

I was not mindful of the bad impact my drunkenness had not only for myself but for the people around me, not until the day after I drank Pura Luka Vega’s wine.

I began to realize that alcohol, despite making me the life of the party, would eventually become one of my downfalls as a human being. I learned that alcohol has always been my escape from facing reality, that doing so made me disturb and hurt the people I love, and even acquaintances and strangers.

I became a vile human being under the influence of alcohol, which I always blamed for my actions at those times.

Now, a year and half into sobriety, here are some of my realizations that I had now that I’ve quit alcohol:

#1: You can be the life of the party even without alcohol.

I always craved attention, even when I was little. I looked at the popular kids and thought to myself “Man, I wish I was talked about like that, like you were some celebrity on the street.” and when I discovered alcohol, I thought I finally found the key to that.

I exuded confidence when I was drunk. I can talk to people, I can do a lot of things without a care in the world. But excessively, which led to embarrasment and shame the next morning.

I realized that you don’t have to drink to be a bit social. It’s even best without alcohol because you can control yourself and realize when is the right time to engage with other people.

#2: A new hobby can be your new vice.

Alcohol was my ultimate vice for several years. I was impulsively drinking, looking for any drink during times of celebration and sorrow.

It was so addicting to the point that drinking has been my go-to activity each time I experienced something good or bad in my life. But, even so, it brought a lot of headaches and regret the next morning.

Now, I’ve reflected that I can put my addiction somewhere else—into an alternative that does not disrupt other people, that does not hurt my physical and mental well-being.

I’ve stopped drinking for a while and during the initial months, I was looking for it. Good thing there was my hobbies—namely make-up, drag, writing, and Genshin Impact—which kept me busy from finding those dreaded bottles of hard drinks.

And now, I’m looking for more avenues to keep myself busy, not just from my alcoholism but from my depression and anxiety, as well.

It’s always nice to try something new, something that can be the ultimate distraction from every negativity along the way.

#3: It pays to keep yourself healthy

In their official website, the Mental Health Foundation cites alcohol as a depressant that can affect your feelings and behavior. Moreso, it also affects you physically as it can cause a lot of conditions and diseases like high blood pressure and weakens your heart, liver, lungs, and many more.

I’ve recently been a victim of the latter part, being diagnosed with fatty liver last 2023. That sealed the deal of stopping my alcoholism fully, as I believed I was too young to have that kind of condition.

The former part, however, has been with me since I was drinking vodka and tequila altogether. Every time I wake up after a drinking session, I was crying, I was staring at the blank spaces of my wall, I was angry, I felt everything.

Stopping alcohol made me want to pursue being healthy for the thought that I don’t want to die yet. Although, admittedly, I’ve been slacking off on exercise, I’ve been putting in mind the powerful effects a nice diet and workout would do to your body, that it would help you keep alive and do more in your life, which, I realized, the opposite of what alcohol makes you realize.

My current sober status as of writing.

I am beyond grateful that I’ve quit this vice and I cannot wait for what’s in store for the next several years of me being alcohol-free. Let’s freaking go, self!